


the ends of it

by chocolatecoveredkashews



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: (also very little- it's just innuendos), (just a little), Alec Lightwood is That Nice Thing, Angst, Basically 5 pages of me being flowy in Magnus's POV, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Mentions of Near Death Experiences and Suicide Attempts, Coda, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Magnus Bane-centric, POV Magnus Bane, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:47:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28744209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatecoveredkashews/pseuds/chocolatecoveredkashews
Summary: "It’s a passing thought- a fleetingwho are you?- that marks the start of it."A series of codas, exploring Magnus's thoughts about what might mark the end.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 4
Kudos: 79





	the ends of it

**Author's Note:**

> A piece that was born solely because I rewatched S1 Ep 4 and wanted to write it from Magnus's POV. It kind of ran away from me after that.

It’s a passing thought- a fleeting _who are you?-_ that marks the start of it.

That’s supposed to be the end of it, too, but then the boy saves his life _again_ and beams and stammers his way through an introduction, and Magnus can’t help but push and flirt just a bit more. He knows that he’s dealing with an actual Angel-blooded Shadowhunter, _obviously_ , but he figures some tasteful innuendos never really hurt anyone.

The demon-summoning fiasco changes things. 

It scares Magnus, to be honest, because he’s spent the last hour pretending that Alec’s just another pretty face to mess around with, but the feeling that shoots through him when he sees the guilt in the boy’s eyes makes it impossible to keep up the charade. Magnus wants to _incinerate_ the Clave for making Alexander ashamed of who he is. He wants to yell at Clary for putting Alec in such a horrible, vulnerable position. He wants to grasp Alec’s hand and make him grin and blush again. 

He doesn’t do any of that, though, and Alec doesn’t look him in the eye when he shuffles out of the loft. 

Magnus supposes any sane person would’ve let that be the end of it.

\----

Isabelle leaves her brother’s phone number with Magnus just as they leave, a pleading look in her eyes. _Call him,_ she mouths. 

Magnus is not any sane person, apparently, because he listens to her. 

\----

The universe is either much nicer than Magnus remembers, or it’s just stretching out the inevitable. He and Alec have survived the wedding, Camille, even the utter _bullshit_ that Jocelyn pulled with the parabatai bond, and they’ve somehow managed to emerge unscathed. 

_Mostly unscathed_ , he thinks, glaring Aldertree’s door down. 

“Hey! Magnus!”

Magnus’s heart jumps. He turns around and sees Alexander, _alive_ and _breathing_ and wearing that sideways little half-smile of his _._ Magnus is never going to take that smile for granted again, not when he was so close to losing it just hours ago. 

“Hey, yourself,” he responds, letting Alec step closer. “How are you feeling?” 

Alec’s smile somehow grows even more lopsided. Magnus wants to touch its edges with his fingertips. 

“A lot better, thanks,” the other says. Then he glances up, narrowing his eyes in displeasure when he notices the doorway. “Is Aldertree giving you a hard time?” 

Magnus laughs lightly. “Haven’t gone in yet, so I wouldn’t know. Though I doubt he’s going to welcome me with open arms. I _did_ technically kidnap an unconscious Shadowhunter against Aldertree’s explicit orders.” 

“Aldertree’s an asshole. You were saving my life,” Alec claims. “Besides, there’s probably no one else I would’ve trusted to keep me safe.”

Magnus’s breath stutters at that, because he’s never quite sure how to handle the blunt declarations that Alexander seems to hand out so easily. He collects himself enough to remark, “Yes, well, couldn’t have the Acting Head of the Institute dying on us, now could we? Just doing my duty to the Clave.”

Alec’s eyes light up with an amused fondness that makes Magnus’s stomach flip. 

“Don’t let him get to you, alright? I’ll wait for you if you’d like,” the Shadowhunter offers. 

Magnus would like that very much, actually, so he tells Alexander as much, and lets his heart soar when the Nephilim nods and dutifully assumes a casual parade rest by the door. 

“I’ll be right here,” Alec promises. 

Magnus is in such a good mood that even Aldertree’s threat of punishment doesn’t scare him quite as much as it should.

 _Alec’s right there,_ he thinks. _Waiting for me._

He basks in it, and pushes back the terrifying thought that death had almost been the end of it.

\----

He’s not able to push that thought down at the ledge, not when all he can see is Alexander- _falling, falling, falling_. 

Magnus doesn’t let him go up to the roof for a while. 

\----

“Hey,” Alexander murmurs, “doing okay?” 

They’ve been sitting there for a while now- Magnus curling his body into Alec's side, Alec pressing his lips into Magnus’s hair. It makes something raw unfurl in the warlock’s chest, a consuming feeling that even _I love you_ can’t quite capture completely. 

“Magnus?” Alec tries again. Magnus blinks up at him. 

“Yeah,” he smiles. “Just thinking.” 

Alexander spares him a soft smile of his own. “About what?” 

Magnus isn’t really sure how to answer that question. He’s been thinking about the determination in Alec’s eyes, the sureness in Alec’s _“There’s nothing ugly about you.”_ The way the Shadowhunter doesn’t flinch whenever Magnus’s glamour drops. How Alec’s been staying over every night since Valentine and Azazel, just to make sure Magnus was alright. 

“You,” he finally says. Something overwhelmingly gentle settles in Alec’s expression. 

“Only good things, hopefully.” 

Magnus laces their fingers together. 

“Always.” 

That night, miraculously, isn’t the end of it. 

\----

“You’re going to make it back. You hear me?” Alexander’s eyes are frantic, desperate, searching. The reds of the fire flicker deep within his hazels.

Magnus smiles. _For you,_ he thinks, _for you, I might just be able to._

“Why wouldn’t I?” he says. “Look what I have waiting for me.”

He lets Alexander kiss him like it’s the last time they ever will. Just in case.

\----

He’s lying in Alec’s bed, taking up Alec’s side of the pillow, smelling like Alec’s shampoo, but something broken, something so clearly _Magnus Bane,_ still simmers under his skin.

He wants it _gone._ Whoever Magnus Bane has become is not someone he wants to be. 

He stretches his left hand out to the ceiling, then closes his eyes. 

He snaps his fingers. _Please,_ he thinks.

Nothing happens. 

He tries again. 

Nothing. 

Again.Nothing. 

_Again._

“Magnus?” 

_Nothing._

“Magnus!”

His eyes fly open to see Alexander’s hand around his wrist. He blinks. “Oh.” 

“ _Oh?_ Magnus, what’s going on?”

There’s something incomprehensible on Alec’s face, concerned and tentative yet so _soft_ that Magnus can’t bear to look directly at it for more than a moment. 

“I didn’t notice you come in,” he states. “How was your visit with Maryse?” 

Alec’s cheeks suddenly tint pink, and his eyes flicker away for a moment. _Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn,_ would’ve picked up on that, would’ve teased Alexander about it lightly until the other caved or shut him up with a kiss. This Magnus, however, is just _tired._ He doesn’t have the heart to be teasing or playful. 

Perhaps his humor is another thing that’s been taken from him. 

Alexander clears his throat, seemingly collecting himself. “We can talk about my mother later. What were you trying to do?” 

Magnus couldn’t answer that if he tried. He glances back at his hand instead of doing so, and notes how bare it looks. Warlock Magnus Bane would have every finger adorned with paint and rings. Mundane Magnus’s fingers are empty. 

“Just… thinking about painting my nails again. Make them look a little like how they used to,” he lies. They both know it’s not the truth.

Alec smiles anyway. “Okay,” he says. He settles himself on the bed, and moves his hand up from Magnus’s wrist so that their fingers are intertwined. “I’ll borrow some stuff from Izzy tomorrow. Any particular colors in mind?” 

“Black.” Anything bright or glittery would just feel like a game of dress-up. 

“Alright.” Alexander kisses their joined fingers. “Maybe we can get your rings for you, too.” 

There’s something hidden in Alec’s voice when he says that, another mystery that Magnus is too tired to unravel. He ignores it and hums in response. 

They lay like that in silence for a while, turned towards each other. Magnus takes in dark hair, hazel eyes, soft lips, and thinks about how Alexander is the one good thing he hasn’t managed to lose yet. He thinks about how it’ll break him if he ever does.

“Thank you,” the Shadowhunter suddenly says. Magnus startles out of his thoughts. 

“For what?” 

“For letting Lorenzo take his magic back. For giving up your magic for Jace.” Alexander’s staring at the ceiling now, holding their intertwined hands over his heart. “I don’t think I properly said it, that first time. After seeing you like that today, I thought I’d never be able to. So, thank you. And I’m sorry.” 

Magnus sucks in a breath. “I’d do all again in a heartbeat. _This_ isn’t your fault, Alexander. I would never blame you. I’m just learning how to deal with it, I suppose.” 

“I know. But it needed to be said.” Alec turns then, looking at Magnus. “I meant what I said earlier, you know. I love _you,_ Magnus, not your magic. I wish you would believe me when I say that.” 

Magnus sighs. _I wish I would believe it, too,_ he thinks. 

“I’ll get there, I promise,” he says. “And I love you, too.” 

Alexander’s face lights up. “Good.” 

“Good?” 

“Yeah,” he smiles. “I love you, you love me. That means everything’s going to be okay.” 

Everything is _not_ going to be okay, not for a long while. Still, Magnus lets himself pretend that it will be, for his sake and for Alec’s. He smiles back.

When Alec kisses him goodnight, the only thing he’s sure he still has is _this,_ these warm nights with the man he loves. He thanks every Angel he can that they haven’t reached the end of it. 

**\----**

They’d braved Valentine, Lorenzo, even goddamned Lilith, and Magnus will _burn down the fucking world_ if that’s what it takes to keep Asmodeus from ruining it now.

“I’ll fix this,” he promises. 

Maryse smiles and presses the ring into his palm. 

\----

“Mr. Lightwood,” Magnus greets, poking Alec’s abs, “if you could kindly awake from your slumber.” 

Alec groans, rolling over. “It’s Lightwood- _Bane,_ ” he grumbles. He pulls at Magnus’s robe, tugging him closer to the bed. “Come back here.”

Magnus just feigns a gasp and exclaims, “It seems I’ve entirely forgotten our marriage, Alexander! Oh, the woes of being an aging warlock! Perhaps a kiss would jog my fading memory?” 

“If it’s that easy to forget, maybe you need a more _effective_ reminder,” Alec snorts.

Oh _. Oho,_ that is definitely a plan Magnus can get behind. (Maybe “get over'' is the more correct phrase to use here? Though he’s never been opposed to getting “under,” either, which is something that he’s sure Alec knows _very_ well, if he does say so himself-)

“ _Magnus_.” 

Ah, he seems to be getting distracted.

“Hm?”

“Get down here.” 

“Right! Right, yes, of course.” 

He perches on the side of the bed, but Alec’s already gotten impatient enough to just grab him and _pull_. Magnus yelps, Alexander laughs, and the entire thing suddenly devolves into a tickling match that somehow gets to the point of Alec activating his runes to get the upper hand while Magnus jabs at his sides with magic.

It’s absolutely ridiculous, yet somehow perfect just because it’s them, together, as always. Magnus doesn’t remember why he’d ever thought the two of them would end. 

Alexander abruptly stops his assault on Magnus’s stomach and stares down at him.

“Do you still think that?” he asks. 

Magnus blinks. “What?” 

“Do you still think this, _us_ , could end?” Alec repeats. 

Oh. Magnus hadn’t realized he’d said that out loud. He thinks for a moment. 

“I don’t, actually.” He’s not even surprised to realize he means it. “Not anymore.”

Alexander searches Magnus’s eyes for another moment, then seemingly finds what he’s looking for. He grins and presses his lips against his husband’s. 

“We’re forever,” he says. “That means we're each others', always.” 

“I suppose it does,” Magnus responds. He matches Alexander’s grin with one of his own. “Seal it with another kiss?” 

“Gladly.” 

Alec leans down, and for once, Magnus knows they'll never reach the end of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Husbands fluff at the end to balance out the angst~ 
> 
> Thank you for reading! I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments, and would appreciate kudos as well.  
> I have another falling-in-love-at-a-bus-stop AU in the works that should be lighter than this one, so keep your eye out. 
> 
> Till then, see ya!


End file.
